‘Womanifesto’ – Alison Lambert

Copyright Hecate Press, English Department 1992. 
Hecate. St. Lucia: 1992. Vol. 18, Iss. 1; pg. 105. 

Womanifesto 
by Alison Lambert 

When I’m writing I’m not Mills and Booning in his arms

When I’m writing I’m not learning 30 ways to please a man

When I’m writing I’m not dreaming up new ways with chicken

When I’m writing I’m not colour co-ordinating my wardrobe

When I’m writing I’m not trying to hold my tummy in

When I’m writing I’m not raising model children

When I’m writing I’m not taking his son to football training

When I’m writing I’m not decorating his weekend

When I’m writing I’m not getting my legs waxed

When I’m writing I’m not pretending to be 20 years younger

When I’m writing I’m not apologising for being 20 years older

When I’m writing I’m not keeping him off the streets

When I’m writing I’m not distributing Amway

When I’m writing I’m not vacuuming the shag pile carpet

When I’m writing I’m not hoping he’ll phone

When I’m writing I’m not feeling guilty about the washing up

When I’m writing I’m not cooking apricot barramundi caprice for his boss

When I’m writing I’m not worried if the grey is showing

When I’m writing I’m not listening to some man talk sexist crap

When I’m writing I’m not worried if I haven’t washed my hair

When I’m writing I’m not wishing my tits were like hers

When I’m writing I’m not going to the shops – again

When I’m writing I’m not thrilled that he’d kill me if he knew

When I’m writing I’m not even aware that I’m small

When I’m writing I’m not hanging back while he speaks

When I’m writing I’m not in tears if he doesn’t understand

When I’m writing I’m not pretending it’s fantastic if it’s not

When I’m writing I’m not apologising for having my period

When I’m writing I’m not apologising for not having my period

When I’m writing I’m not surviving on two lettuce leaves and a banana

When I’m writing I’m not at the doctor’s for tranquillisers

When I’m writing I’m not getting my beauty sleep

When I’m writing I’m not Mrs Somebody

When I’m writing I’m not anxious that he won’t like it

When I’m writing I’m not serving everyone else first

When I’m writing I’m not a nice little woman, not at all

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Reproduced from online source without permission, but with no ill intent. I merely wish to share something awesome discovered amidst essay research. I think having looked at the writings of Joanna Russ, read several discussions around the publication of female writers and related difficulties, that this piece (like Russ’ work) remains scarily relevant today, in 2011.

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