This is the summation of the academic reading I’ve done for semester 1 this year, mostly for assignments. I’ve had three written assignments to produce, one on woman-centred care in relation to obesity and hypertensive disorders of pregnancy (terrible essay question, way too complicated and too much to cover for 1500 words). I had one assignment on provision of woman-centred care in a contemporary maternity care setting (1500 words), and the third one was on what a midwife can do when confronted (their word not mine) with a woman who does not consent to a midwifery procedure (1000 words). This last one was equal parts about legal obligations as well as provision of woman-centred care (always a central theme).

I’ve been thinking about whether to provide any commentary on any of these but there’s an awful lot of articles so actually I think I will just post the list and respond to any specific queries about articles. I may yet do a blog post summarising overall what I learned and took on from the research I’ve conducted, we’ll see. This is the reference list so the articles I *used*, I did read a few others that I didn’t use but this is already a comprehensive list so I’m not going to worry about including them at this point.

It’s also worth nothing that you’ll need library access of some sort to access these, I’m not aware that any of them are open access.

Assignment 1: woman-centred care in relation to obesity and hypertensive disorders of pregnancy. 

Biro, M., Cant, R., Hall, H., Bailey, C., East, C., & Sinni, S. (2013). How effectively do midwives manage the care of obese pregnant women? A cross-sectional survey of Australian midwives. Women and Birth, 26(2), 119-124. doi:10.1016/j.wombi.2013.01.00.

Callaway, L. K., O’Callaghan, M., & David McIntyre, H. (2009). Obesity and the Hypertensive Disorders of Pregnancy. Hypertension in Pregnancy, 28(4), 473-493. doi:10.3109/10641950802629626.

Daemers, D., Wijnen, H., Limbeek, E., Budé, L., Nieuwenhuijze, M., Spaanderman, M., & Vries, R. (2014). The impact of obesity on outcomes of midwife-led pregnancy and childbirth in a primary care population: a prospective cohort study. BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics & Gynaecology, 121(11), 1403-1414. doi:10.1111/1471-0528.12684.

Dahlen, H. (2010). Undone by fear? Deluded by trust? Midwifery, 26(2), 156-162. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2009.11.008.

Davis, D., Raymond, J., Clements, V., Teate, A., Adams, C., Mollart, L., & Foureur, M. (2012). Addressing obesity in pregnancy: The design and feasibility of an innovative intervention in NSW, Australia. Women and Birth, 25(4), 174-180. doi:10.1016/j.wombi.2011.08.008.

Ghulmiyyah, L., & Sibai, B. (2012). ‘Maternal mortality from preeclampsia/eclampsia’. Seminars in Perinatology, 36(1), 56-59. doi: doi:10.1053/j.semperi.2011.09.011.

Heslehurst, N., Moore, H., Rankin, J., Ells, L., Wilkinson, J., & Summberbell, C. (2011). How can maternity services be developed to effectively address maternal obesity? A qualitative study. Midwifery, 27(5), e170-e177. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2010.01.007.

Hutcheon, J., Lisonkova, S., & Joseph, K.S. (2011). Epidemiology of pre-eclampsia and the other hypertensive disorders of pregnancy. Hypertensive Disorders in Pregnancy, 25(4), 391-403. doi: 10.1016/j.bpobgyn.2011.01.006.

Jomeen, J. (2012). The paradox of choice in maternity care. Journal of Neonatal Nursing, 18(2), 60–62. doi:10.1016/j.jnn.2012.01.010b.

Keely, A., Gunning, M., & Denison, F. (2011). Maternal obesity in pregnancy: Women’s understanding of risks. British Journal of Midwifery, 19(6), 364-369. Retrieved from http://www.magonlinelibrary.com/toc/bjom/19/6.

Madan, J., Chen, M., Goodman, E., Davis, J., Allan, W., & Dammann, O. (2010). Maternal obesity, gestational hypertension, and preterm delivery. Journal of Maternal-Fetal & Neonatal Medicine, 23(1), 82-88. doi:10.3109/14767050903258738.

MacKenzie Bryers, H., & van Teijlingen, E. (2010). Risk, theory, social and medical models: A critical analysis of the concept of risk in maternity care. Midwifery, 26(5), 488-496. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2010.07.003.

McGlone, A., & Davies, S. (2012). Perspectives on risk and obesity: Towards a ‘tolerable risk’ approach? British Journal of Midwifery, 20(1), 13-17. Retrieved from http://www.magonlinelibrary.com/toc/bjom/20/1.

Mills, A., Schmied, V. A., & Dahlen, H. G. (2013). ‘Get alongside us’, women’s experiences of being overweight and pregnant in Sydney, Australia. Maternal & Child Nutrition, 9(3), 309-321. doi:10.1111/j.1740-8709.2011.00386.x.

Nyman, V. M. K., Prebensen, Å. K., & Flensner, G. E. M. (2010). Obese women’s experiences of encounters with midwives and physicians during pregnancy and childbirth. Midwifery, 26(4), 424–429. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2008.10.008.

Schmied, V. A., Duff, M., Dahlen, H. G., Mills, A. E., & Kolt, G. S. (2011). ‘Not waving but drowning’: a study of the experiences and concerns of midwives and other health professionals caring for obese childbearing women. Midwifery, 27(4), 424-430. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2010.02.010.

Seibold, C., Licqurish, S., Rolls, C., & Hopkins, F. (2010). “Lending the space”: midwives’ perceptions of birth space and clinical risk management. Midwifery, 26(5), 526–31. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2010.06.011

Singleton, G., & Furber, C. (2014). The experiences of midwives when caring for obese women in labour, a qualitative study. Midwifery, 30(1), 103-111. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2013.02.008

Swank, M. L., Caughey, A. B., Farinelli, C. K., Main, E. K., Melsop, K. A., Gilbert, W. M., & Chung, J. H. (2014). The impact of change in pregnancy body mass index on the development of gestational hypertensive disorders. Journal of Perinatology, 34(3), 181-185. doi:10.1038/jp.2013.168

World Health Organisation. (2015). Overweight and obesity. Retrieved from http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs311/en/.

 

Assignment 2: woman-centred care in a contemporary maternity care setting.

Ängeby, K., Wilde-Larsson, B., Hildingsson, I., & Sandin-Bojö, A. (2015). Primiparous women’s preferences for care during a prolonged latent phase of labour. Sexual & Reproductive Healthcare. doi:10.1016/j.srhc.2015.02.003.

Australian College of Midwives. (2011). ACM philosophy for midwifery. Retrieved from http://www.midwives.org.au/scripts/cgiip.exe/WService=MIDW/ccms.r?pageid=10019.

Berg, M., Lundgren, I., & Ólafsdóttir, O. (2012). A midwifery model of woman-centred childbirth care – In Swedish and Icelandic settings. Sexual & Reproductive Healthcare, 3(2), 79-87. doi:10.1016/j.srhc.2012.03.001.

Borelli, E. S. (2014). What is a good midwife? Insights from the literature. Midwifery, 30(1), 3-10. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2013.06.019.

Daemers, D., Wijnen, H., Limbeek, E., Budé, L., Nieuwenhuijze, M., Spaanderman, M., & Vries, R. (2014). The impact of obesity on outcomes of midwife-led pregnancy and childbirth in a primary care population: a prospective cohort study. BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics & Gynaecology, 121(11), 1403-1414. doi:10.1111/1471-0528.12684.

Davis, D., & Walker, K. (2011). Case-loading midwifery in New Zealand: bridging the normal/abnormal divide ‘with woman’. Midwifery, 27(1), 46-52. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2009.09.007.

Easthope, S. (2010). Keeping Birth Woman-Centred. Midwifery Matters, (125), 17. Retrieved from: http://connection.ebscohost.com/c/articles/51433357/keeping-birth-woman-centred.

Homer, C. S. E., Passant, L., Brodie, P. M., Kildea, S., Leap, N., Pincombe, J., & Thorogood, C. (2009). The role of the midwife in Australia: views of women and midwives. Midwifery, 25(6), 673–81. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2007.11.003.

Hunter, B., Berg, M., Lundgren, I., Ólafsdóttir, O., & Kirkham, M. (2008). Relationships: The hidden threads in the tapestry of maternity care. Midwifery, 24(2), 132-137. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2008.02.003.

International Confederation of Midwives. (2011). ICM international definition of the midwife. Retrieved from http://www.internationalmidwives.org/who-we-are/policy-and-practice/icm-international-definition-of-the-midwife/.

Jordan, K., Fenwick, J., Slavin, V., Sidebotham, M., & Gamble, J. (2013). Level of burnout in a small population of Australian midwives. Women and Birth, 26(2), 125-132. doi:10.1016/j.wombi.2013.01.002.

Leap, N. (2009). Woman-centred or women-centred care: does it matter? British Journal of Midwifery, 17(1), 12-16. Retrieved from http://www.magonlinelibrary.com/toc/bjom/17/1.

Leinweber, J., & Rowe, H. J. (2010). The costs of ‘being with the woman’: secondary traumatic stress in midwifery. Midwifery, 26(1), 76-87. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2008.04.003.

MacKenzie Bryers, H., & van Teijlingen, E. (2010). Risk, theory, social and medical models: A critical analysis of the concept of risk in maternity care. Midwifery, 26(5), 488-496. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2010.07.003.

Murphy, P. A., & King, T. L. (2013). Effective communication is essential to being with woman: midwifery strategies to strengthen health education and promotion. Journal of Midwifery & Women’s Health, 58(3), 247-248. doi:10.1111/jmwh.12080.

Nilsson, C., Lundgren, I., Smith, V., Vehvilainen-Julkunen, K., Nicoletti, J., Devane, D., & … Begley, C. (2015). Women-centred interventions to increase vaginal birth after caesarean section (VBAC): A systematic review. Midwifery. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2015.04.003.

Seibold, C., Licqurish, S., Rolls, C., & Hopkins, F. (2010). “Lending the space”: midwives’ perceptions of birth space and clinical risk management. Midwifery, 26(5), 526–31. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2010.06.011.

Sidebotham, M., Fenwick, J., Rath, S., & Gamble, J. (2015). Midwives’ perceptions of their role within the context of maternity service reform: An Appreciative Inquiry. Women and Birth. doi:10.1016/j.wombi.2014.12.006.

Taylor, M. (2014). Caring for a woman with autism in early labour. British Journal of Midwifery, 22(7), 514-518. Retrieved from: http://www.magonlinelibrary.com/toc/bjom/22/7.

Walker, S., & Sabrosa, R. (2014). Assessment of fetal presentation: Exploring a woman-centred approach. British Journal of Midwifery, 22(4), 240-244. Retrieved from: http://www.magonlinelibrary.com/toc/bjom/22/4.

 

Assignment 3: the legal based one. 

Australian College of Midwives. (2011). ACM Philosophy for midwifery. Retrieved from http://www.midwives.org.au/scripts/cgiip.exe/WService=MIDW/ccms.r?pageid=10019.

Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care (ACSQH). (2008). ACSQHC: Australian charter of healthcare rights. Retrieved from: http://www.safetyandquality.gov.au/national-priorities/charter-of-healthcare-rights/.

Borelli, E. S. (2014). What is a good midwife? Insights from the literature. Midwifery 30(1), 3-10. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2013.06.019.

Brass, R. (2012). Caring for the woman who goes against conventional medical advice. British Journal of Midwifery, 20(12), 898-901. Retrieved from http://www.magonlinelibrary.com/toc/bjom/20/12.

Carr, N. (2008). Midwifery supervision and home birth against conventional advice. British Journal of Midwifery, 16(11), 743-745. Retrieved from: http://www.magonlinelibrary.com/toc/bjom/16/11.

Dexter, S. C., Windsor, S., & Watkinson, S. J. (2014). Meeting the challenge of maternal choice in mode of delivery with vaginal birth after caesarean section: a medical, legal and ethical commentary. BJOG: An International Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, 121(2), 133-139. doi:10.1111/1471-0528.12409.

Homer, C. S. E., Passant, L., Brodie, P. M., Kildea, S., Leap, N., Pincombe, J., & Thorogood, C. (2009). The role of the midwife in Australia: views of women and midwives. Midwifery, 25(6), 673–81. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2007.11.003.

Hunter, B., Berg, M., Lundgren, I., Olafsdottir, O., & Kirkham, M. (2008). Relationships: The hidden threads in the tapestry of maternity care. Midwifery, 24(2), 132-137. doi:10.1016/j.midw.2008.02.003.

Kruske, S., Young, K., Jenkinson, B., & Catchlove, A. (2013). Maternity care providers’ perceptions of women’s autonomy and the law. BMC Pregnancy & Childbirth, 13(1), 1-6. doi:10.1186/1471-2393-13-84.

Medical Treatment Act 1988 (Vic) preamble (Austl.). Retrieved from: http://www.legislation.vic.gov.au/.

Medical Treatment Act 1988 (Vic) section 5.1 (Austl.). Retrieved from: http://www.legislation.vic.gov.au/.

Nursing and Midwifery Board of Australia. (2008a). Code of professional conduct for midwives in Australia. Retrieved from: http://www.nursingmidwiferyboard.gov.au/Codes-Guidelines-Statements/Codes-Guidelines.aspx.

Nursing and Midwifery Board of Australia. (2008b). Code of ethics for midwives in Australia. Retrieved from: http://www.nursingmidwiferyboard.gov.au/Codes-Guidelines-Statements/Codes-Guidelines.aspx.

I’m not sure how to characterise these links, maybe I just need to put them out there together and let them speak for themselves…

Centrelink (one of my least favourite organisations) is coming under scrutiny for poor response times and leaving calls unanswered. I think the criticism is actually a little unfair though because they like any other public service department has to operate within budget and the public service in the past several years has been very poorly funded. People are already working beyond their means in an effort to meet demands – just because you ‘restructure’ and justify cutting jobs, doesn’t mean the amount of work actually reduces – it’s all still there and those trying to do it struggle.

What’s also interesting is their response to the criticism, pulling people off all other tasks to answer calls and reduce waiting times, as though this will in any way address the underlying problems – all the non-phonecall work still needs to be done, and probably also suffers from delays. Answering calls will absolutely increase the amount of that non-phone work that needs to be done. Once you get to a certain point in the process/acceptance of your claim it is easier to deal with the online process and that becomes possible – but only after a certain point, before that it’s just painful and frustrating. Painful and frustrating describes the general experience of Centrelink overall.

More on politics in Australia, this article from The Australian (note, some readers may find this is behind a pay wall, sorry about that) talks  about how the ALP may be forced to recognise that Australia is now a three party political system (let’s assume the Liberal National Party are still firmly in denial about this).  It’s nice that the ALP strategists are finally joining the rest of us in the present, because I feel this has been true for a while – certainly the way in which the Greens have been a more effective Opposition, they’re saying things that the ALP won’t say and refusing to support things that the ALP should refuse to support (data retention, whistle blower laws anyone)? Anyway, the language of this article is appalling ‘serious threat’ – please! A friend commented that ‘viable alternative’ and ‘effective choice’ were better ways of describing it. I’d also like to point out, that holy fuck the language in this article! “planning a campaign directed at conservative voters in Liberal territory who had strayed” as though the voters are naughty children or something. I can’t even!!!

One of the bigger news stories going on in the past week has been the boat full of Rohingya refugees that have been turned back by multiple countries, and basically are being left to die in the middle of the ocean. The callous response to these people in need has horrified me so much that I’ve barely been able to stomach the headlines. These are some of the most oppressed people in the world, and I don’t understand how we can stand by and let this happen. Gambia puts us all to shame by making room for these people and offering to resettle them despite the poverty of the country. The bureaucratic way in which there’s the ‘multi-country effort’ double speak trying to make it seem as though Gambia hasn’t shown up the rest of the world makes me ill. I wish these people peace, and recovery and a place to call home without fear.

And now a small breather, something more positive to uplift for at least a few moments and break the horror and sadness. There’s an Australian bat rescue hospital. They look after and rehabilitate bats! And the little bats all wrapped up that way is seriously one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen! How cute is this?!

Two orphan baby bats, wrapped up in coloured blankets, one bat hugs the other and one is dozing with a teat in its mouth.

Back to reality… Maggie Gyllenhaal has been notified by Hollywood that she’s ‘too old’ at 37 to play the lead against a 55 year-old male co-star. What the actual fuck?! Maggie Gyllenhaal is a brilliant actress – people should be clamouring to have at her after her performance in ‘The Honourable Woman‘. Also since when is 37 ‘too old’ – that’s not even in the same decade as the male lead! I know it’s part of the existing culture of Hollywood, but I’m so glad when any of the esteemed actresses speak out about it honestly and candidly because it’s the kind of thing that needs to change. I live in hope.

And here we have an article that looks into the statistics and reports from the NSW Coroner’s Court in relation to domestic violence. The findings are not at all surprising, they remain sobering. The fact that as a nation we’re not coordinating a national response addressing the existing horror, need for change, rehabilitation, healing and also on prevention and changing things for the future is despicable. It remains obvious to me that the lives of women don’t matter. We have a deep societal problem with family violence, but we just don’t seem to care – or we think it’s someone else’s problem. Whatever it is, the real threat of terrorism in Australia is domestic violence.

Another positive moment, and I feel like they’re necessary given all the awfulness! I realise that it’s a bit in the realm of clickbait, but the story itself is actually adorable. I love the way this little girl describes seeing her little brother being born. Just gorgeous!

So I live in a poly household in Melbourne, myself and my partners – who are the ‘on paper’ relationship. I’m the ‘single’ person who lives with them. And unsurprisingly Centrelink have been awful, one of my partners earns too much, so his partner can’t get the Austudy he’s entitled to. I can’t get Austudy because even though I haven’t claimed it before, the fact that I have an undergraduate already precludes me from support when I need it. Because I of course planned the massive career change and letting go of 10 years I spent pursuing another career all for nothing…

So we subsist on one income between the three of us, and it kind of works. It kind of works because one of our parents is in a position to help us with rent. It kind of works because we all genuinely work together and try hard to be good about money and all the messy emotions it brings up together. And we recognise that at this point in our lives and relationships, we’re intertwined financially.

We all contribute to the house, in various ways, and so we’re all entitled to the income. There’s not much to go around but it (mostly) pays the bills, the rent and groceries. I’m better than I ever have been about making groceries last, making food last and making it delicious and so we don’t often *feel* poor. Even though we rarely can have a night out, or dinner out, or go to the movies or any of those things we could  manage occasionally when we at least had some welfare support.

I’m writing about this because I am looking at the meal plan I made on the fly yesterday for the next two weeks to get us through a fortnight where anything we can avoid spending on food, can pay bills. We’re not late on anything, but we’re working hard to keep it that way. In any case, I thought I’d share what my meal plan was and how I decided on it for this particular fortnight. Namely, what stuff has past!me done that makes this next two weeks earlier. Let’s do that bit first:

Past!me has:

  • Made oodles of stock, so I have vegetable stock, beef stock, and chicken stock in my freezer. I also have plenty of frozen veggie scraps to make more (and we are running low on veggie stock).
  • Stocked up on some dry goods that are good for stretching things, accompanying things, part of the regular stuff we would use and works for a bunch of the ‘go-to’ meals we might make.
  • Looked at what is in the fridge and freezer that can be used for the fortnight easily: some beef mince, a lamb roast, 1/2 a cabbage, 4 small zucchinis (I still don’t have a plan for them yet).
  • I also have a well stocked pantry for spices, vinegars and other similar ingredients that you often need for various recipes and are good to have on hand to make awesome stuff from very little.
  • Made a beef and barley stew before the meal plan but that meant it was there and could be part of the planning process straight away! One meal and a fair few lunches down!

And now for the meal plan. I reasoned that counting leftovers and the need for lunches for me at home and Ral’s uni lunches for the next two weeks, we needed about 9-10 meals.

So this is what the meal plan looks like:

  • Tunisian Chicken (I had everything except the chicken and the coriander).
  • Marcella Hazan’s Smothered Cabbage Soup (I have everything for this).
  • Chana Masala (I needed the ginger and I bought some cheap dried chickpeas rather than use the canned ones I have).
  • Chicken Adobo (I needed the chicken and spring onions).
  • Alfredo Pasta (I do have some cream but it’s going on chocolate cake for birthday dinner tonight, so that remains the only thing I need).
  • Marcella Hazan’s Tomato, Onion and Butter pasta sauce (I have everything for this – we almost always do).
  • Macaroni Peas (I had just finished the last of the frozen peas and have bought some more).
  • Bukhara (This is where the lamb roast will go, and I had everything else except the ginger, which I bought for at least one other recipe).
  • Spaghetti Bolognaise (I have a great recipe for this and had the mince in the freezer. Plus, it makes a large pot. I had everything for it except red wine and we bought a cheap decent bottle).

So that’s 9 so far and I’ll see how far that gets us before I evaluate further. It’s a whole lot of guesstimation at the moment, so we’ll see how close or far off I am toward the end of things. (Maybe I’ll even remember to blog about it.) There are several options that are cheap that I can rope in at the last minute like Dal Makhani, or this gorgeous Broccoli Frittata which always impresses, or make a risotto or soup – those are always good go-to options.

So, there you have it, my angst, frustration and making the most of it in the form of meal planning. What makes things easier for this fortnight is, I’m home and I have very few commitments so I can do the cooking and make things work and spend extra time eking things out and adding to my stash of freezer meals without extra stress. The reason I’m trying to meal plan, spend as little as possible AND still maintain my freezer stash is because I’ll be away from home in June on prac, and it will make life a lot easier for Ral and Fox dinner wise if half of them are already made. It will also make it cheaper for them, which will be important because I anticipate needing more of our budget while I’m staying away from home and going to the hospital every day.

I have to say that my meal planning and frugal skills are both inspired by, and not nearly as well established or finely tuned as my best friend Sarah’s. She can do amazing things with meal planning and frugality. But all in all, I do well enough for what we need right now, and I pass it on to my partners. One  of whom is an exceptional cook, and also quite accomplished at making do, the other of whom is still learning the very basics of cooking. In my mind, this stuff is part of that basic learning.

Anway, have a picture of last night’s Tunisian Chicken dinner (not the prettiest plate unfortunately). Alas I forgot to take a picture of the cake! But I made this amazingly simple and delicious Chocolate Bundt Cake, which is not expensive to make and is one of the most delicious chocolate cakes I’ve ever made.

Not the prettiest plate, but Tunisian Chicken with couscous for dinner.

What is it about vulnerability that is so frightening to our society, that we fear the sharing of, the revelation of our vulnerability? What is it that has our hearing, our speaking, our listening slide over vulnerability as though some social faux pas has been committed? What is it about vulnerability that renders it invisible except in some circumstances where sharing and expressing vulnerability is signalled as okay?

To give examples, Robin William’s suicide is an excellent example of socially sanctioned visibility of vulnerability.  The outpouring of grief around William’s death was massive, worldwide people expressing their shock and anguish at his loss. The collective shared outpouring in news and across social media is partly how this expression of vulnerability is approved. However, there are other situations where expressing vulnerability is definitely not socially sanctioned. The expression of vulnerability around the experiences of women online in relation abuse and harassment is considered to be complaining or ‘playing the gender card’. For example, the entire #gamergate fiasco continues to operate as an online cesspool of harassment and abuse toward women in gaming, whether they are gamers, developers, journalists, or critics. The reaction of women who have experienced this abuse, particularly if they express their fear and distress at the threats they’ve received has been very clearly signalled as not okay.

The difference between socially sanctioned and condemned vulnerability is obvious. Women who in any way spoke out about, commented on, questioned or condemned #gamergate received massive and severe backlash – there were death and rape threats, personal data was revealed in conjunction with threats. This is dramatically different to the way in which people responded to Robin Williams, where they talked about mental illness, about the blackness and despair of chronic depression, of hiding it and about the struggle to ask for help, to find help that was useful or rebuild lives after tragedy. It was all very moving and for several days, even a couple of weeks, there was an outpouring of sensitivity and awareness on issues related to William’s death usually reserved for specific awareness days.

It occurred to me that there was something worth writing about when I was engaging in some discussion on Facebook about feminism and about #gamergate in particular. I would comment on a post – or I would post on my timeline and there’d be discussion. Each time I remember that feeling where I hit ‘submit’ and the pit of my stomach would just drop and I’d experience a sharp spike of pure fear. And then I posted about it – about having the fear and knowing that it would probably be fine, but being afraid anyway. I talked about being afraid even though the discussions were happening largely in spaces where I can reasonably expect people to treat me well.

And an interesting thing happened in response to my emotive posts, my expressing the vulnerability around engaging in feminist discussion – particularly around #gamergate and in light of everything that had happened with it. The people around me, particularly those who are also outspoken feminists understood what I posted and responded with empathy and care. Some commenters provided advice on how I should handle things or not take things personally and I made a point to explain what I was doing and why. Some people suggested I shouldn’t really engage in the conversations if they were upsetting.

Meanwhile in the discussions I was having, things were progressing well (for me, I remember a friend was simultaneously having the worst of experiences of this kind) and there was minimal condescension or over-explaining. There was a lot of misunderstanding about the subject and how it relates to all of us who are invested in this discussion about #gamergate, feminism and women in these arenas.  The common ones you may already be familiar with – that it really is or could be about ethics in journalism, or, that it’s just a small group of people making a bad name for everyone else and it’s not that big a problem, and my favourite, that it’s political and groups, websites, events etc need to stay out of political debate. Mostly the non-feminist gamers on my friends list didn’t really consider #gamergate to be a problem, it wasn’t personal to them and they didn’t see how it could be personal for anyone else around them. And they didn’t think it was a problem for people like Brianna Wu, Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn, because they’re ‘famous’ and that kind of just goes with the territory, right? I disagree – I don’t think we’re all that far apart, regardless of their notoriety and my lack thereof. There isn’t a single woman I know personally, with varying degrees of notoriety online and off that has spoken out about this issue and not been afraid of the repercussions of doing so. It is a problem, and I will keep identifying it as such and trying to make it visible.

Which in the end, is the point of my making those posts sharing the fear I experienced at engaging in public feminist conversation, even talking about this stuff in a relatively closed space as my Facebook page/friends list was to make the vulnerability visible and also the reaction to it. One of the points I wanted to make to those around me was the fact that there is no great distance between myself, the other outspoken non-cis male feminists and the likes of Brianna, Anita and Zoe. Their fears are more realised and they’ve been in significant personal danger as a result of speaking out against harassment and misogyny toward women in gaming. There are plenty more examples where notable feminists on the internet have been threatened, harassed and stalked as a result of daring to speak up and call upon society to change, for the status quo to shift, for equality to be actively worked toward.

I’m not actually notable, but I still have a similar fear because I know all it takes is for one blog post to hit reddit and go viral in some way and then I too could join the ranks of the threatened. I know I’m not the only one amongst my feminist friends, particularly those of us who are women or not cis-male, who has this fear and thinks twice about speaking out publicly. At the moment it seems that speaking out goes against one’s better judgement for safety – and yet how can things change with silence?

So here I am, sharing my vulnerability. It may not be socially sanctioned – and I’m aware of that based on how many people missed the point of me sharing my fear at posting about #gamergate and the misogyny directed toward women in gaming, even once I explained it. I have to hope that by talking highlighting vulnerability in relation to the issues specifically, I am making a difference and contributing to change. I am hoping that by being very clear that every time I speak up about feminism or any kind of inequality, I am afraid of the potential negative consequences that people realise that this isn’t ‘just an internet drama’, it’s real and personal.

It is worth noting that this is a conversation that is happening in public, at all and that is both awesome and necessary. The exposure of the depth of harassment and abuse experienced by women in gaming in relation to #gamergate is truly distressing, because there is so much of it and it is unrelentingly physically and sexually violent. Distressing or not, the exposure has merit, because eventually it has to reach a point where it is more unacceptable for this behaviour to continue, more unacceptable to sanction it, than it is to vilify women for daring to express their vulnerability and speak out against the abuse.

If I’m lucky, I’ll stay un-notable, I’ll continue to fly under the radar and fail to say something truly outstanding that would see my words go viral. If I’m unlucky then the things I’m afraid of could come to pass. I have to wonder how much it would actually take to stop me speaking.

One of my assignments this semester was in a group to put together a 40 minute presentation on a topic. Our topic was ‘Issues with the Administration of Blood Products’. Which it turns out is a pretty massive topic and I’m certain that we only scraped the surface of things.  I’m not going to comment in depth on anything from the following reference list, but this is just what I read and used for my contribution to our presentation. We presented a couple of weeks ago and I think overall it went well.

What I will provide some commentary on though, is that overall the public fear around transfusions is largely around fear of an infection from contaminated blood. People fear getting Hepatitis or HIV or something else from transfused blood. I’m pleased to report that the potential for infection is incredibly low: about 1 in 1 million blood transfusions.

ABO and Rh Blood TypesThe biggest risk for transfusions is error in patient identification and blood group matching. Sometimes this is a computer error, but it should be picked up by the people administering the blood products, and most often it is an error at the human checking points that gets missed. This causes an acute reaction that can range from mild to severe and is in almost all cases, utterly preventable. So if you’re getting a transfusion, the moral is, make sure the ID check – your name, DOB and hospital number matches the paperwork and the labels on the blood product – is correct before the transfusion starts.

So reference list, and for this work I took a lot of information from the Red Cross Blood Transfusion Service because they’re the authorised provider of blood and blood products in Australia. They do all the collection and testing, the storage and transportation of blood products. Consider for a moment  that there’s a lot of steps involved in the process and errors can happen at every point – there’s a lot of protocol that goes into quality checking and making sure everything is okay with the products that are collected, tested, stored and transported before they’re used on patients. Australia has an incredibly high quality standard for blood products, thanks to the work of the Red Cross Blood Transfusion Service, the National Blood Authority and the other governing bodies that contribute to the governance.

One more point, I will say that although donor deferral criteria is an important part of screening for safety of collected blood products, it’s outdated and needs improvement. This is a personal opinion and wasn’t part of the research I conducted. However, I know that in Australia men who have sex with other men – protected or not – are not able to donate blood. Neither is anyone who has sex with men who have sex with other men. That screening is specifically around HIV risk factors for sex between men. However, that’s screening the type of sex people have and not their sexual health practices, which I think leaves a large gap for potential contamination and infection in blood.

I think that it is more important to know how regularly people do sexual health screening, what safer sex practices they use and what their testing history shows as being more relevant for whether they can donate blood. I think using criteria that takes those things into account, would yield similar quality in safety standards for blood collected, but not exclude people on the basis of who they have sex with. I for one, am not willing to give up sex with my queer male partners so I can donate blood. And I sincerely resent that my good sexual health practice counts for nothing in this process.

Blood Components used in blood therapyDonated blood is precious, it is lifesaving and there is not enough of it. One donation of whole blood yields several blood products that can be used to help save someone’s life. Perhaps revising who we prevent from donating could address some of that lack? I would love to be a regular donor for blood – I’m healthy, I don’t get sick often and I would love to make a difference, but I can’t because of who my partners are.

 

Anyway, enough of that soap box, references:

Anders, S., Miller, A., Joseph, P., Fortenberry, T., Woods, M., Booker, R., & … France, D. (2011). Blood product positive patient identification: comparative simulation-based usability test of two commercial products. Transfusion, 51(11), 2311-2318. doi:10.1111/j.1537-2995.2011.03185.x.

Australian and New Zealand Society of Blood Transfusions. (2011). Guidelines for the administration of blood products. Retrieved from http://www.anzsbt.org.au/publications/index.cfm.

Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care. (2014). Standard 7: Blood and Blood Products. Retrieved from http://www.safetyandquality.gov.au/publications/nsqhs-standards-fact-sheet-standard-7-blood-and-blood-products.

Australian Government, ComLaw. (2014). Therapeutic Goods Act 1989. Retrieved from http://www.comlaw.gov.au/Series/C2004A03952.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Acute haemolytic transfusion reaction. Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/adverse_transfusion_reactions/acute_haemolytic_reaction.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2015). Classification & incidence of adverse events.  Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/adverse_transfusion_reactions/classification_and_incidence.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Cryodepleted plasma. Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/blood_products/components/cryodepleted_plasma.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Cryoprecipitate. Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/blood_products/components/cryoprecipitate.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Delayed haemolytic transfusion reaction. Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/adverse_transfusion_reactions/delayed_haemolytic_reaction.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Fresh frozen plasma. Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/blood_products/components/plasma.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Mild allergic reactions. Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/adverse_transfusion_reactions/mild_allergic_reaction.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Platelets. Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/blood_products/components/platelets.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Red cells. Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/blood_products/components/red_cells.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Severe allergic reactions. Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/adverse_transfusion_reactions/servere_allergic_reaction.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Transfusion related acute lunch injury (TRALI). Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/adverse_transfusion_reactions/TRALI.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Transfusion associated sepsis. Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/adverse_transfusion_reactions/sepsis.

Australian Red Cross Blood Service. (2014). Whole blood. Retrieved from http://www.transfusion.com.au/blood_products/components/whole_blood.

Epstein, J. S. (2010). Alternative strategies in assuring blood safety: An Overview. Biologicals, 38(1), 31-35. doi:10.1016/j.biologicals.2009.10.009.

Epstein, J. S. (2012). Best practices in regulation of blood and blood products. Biologicals, 40(Proceedings of the 7th International Association of Biological Standardization (IABS) Symposium on Advances in Transfusion Safety), 200-204. doi:10.1016/j.biologicals.2011.11.002.

Klein, H. G. (2010). How safe is blood, really? Biologicals, 38(1), 100–4. doi:10.1016/j.biologicals.2009.10.008.

National Blood Authority Australia. (2013). National standard for blood and blood products safety and quality. Retrieved from http://www.blood.gov.au/national-standard.

Sellu, D. H., Davis, R. E., & Vincent, C. A. (2012). Assessment of blood administration competencies using objective structured clinical examination. Transfusion Medicine, 22(6), 409-417. doi:10.1111/j.1365-3148.2012.01192.x.

Time for my annual theme reveal post! If you’re unfamiliar with my process of taking on a theme, take a look at this previous post I wrote. I know it’s February and usually I get onto writing this post earlier, but this one took some time. Not the idea, but the space to think about it and write about it. I’ve been on prac for my Midwifery training all throughout January which meant my focus was there and not on the bigness of the year ahead. Now that’s done, I am ready to really let this year take flight, so to speak.

So as you may have guessed from the title, this year is about Becoming. That notion of being in flux, of transformation and being in-between. Not finished, but in progress, and beyond the bare beginning too. I think this is a perfect theme to extend from last year’s Expedition, because this sense of being in-between, not finished and in the middle of something is very true for me right now. I start my second year of training as a midwife, and doing that training will continue to be my focus for many of my goals and actions. I also think that there’s some personal growth in the wings as well – old sore spots I’m hitting up against that I’d like to resolve further – or try to. Things like that.

In my mind, when I think on this year’s theme, this idea of Becoming, I do think of the caterpillar into the butterfly, working hard doing what’s necessary and emerging later, triumphant and with wings.

So what things am I looking to include as part of Becoming?

Reading

I want this year to be about reading and I want to track that more deliberately. I wrote separately about my reading goals for this year, but in in summary this is what I want to achieve. I already keep a record through Goodreads of what I’m reading, and I have been doing the Australian Women Writers Challenge for a few years and still love it. I also want to increase the diversity of the books I’m reading to read more books by Indigenous authors and people from other non-white backgrounds. I want to do more reviews especially of these books. I also want to write more from the perspective of a midwife in training, track what I’m reading for study and post a list of that. I guess that’s partly about wanting to be transparent about being evidenced based in my practice, but also to make visible how hard I’m working to train for this career I want so much.

Midwifery

I want to do well in my second year of study, of training. I want to take every learning opportunity possible and do the best I can. I want to learn in depth and well. I want to be able to rely on the evidence we’re given – I want to get through as much extra reading as I  can to support my learning and training during clinical placements. I want to do the best I can for the women I’m supporting as part of the continuity of care program (we generally refer to this as followthrough). I want to keep enjoying learning about science – anatomy and physiology. I want to continue to do well with the mathematics required. I want to spend a lot of time and energy working toward my transformation into a midwife – at some point I won’t be a student any more and I will have to decide things and sign my name to things and take responsibility in important ways. I want to be ready for that and I want to understand the gravity of that role I’m taking on.

Cooking

I loved all the cooking I did last year, I explored a bunch of new recipes – a whole bunch that are for special occasions and pack a huge punch. I also discovered some delicious really simple recipes. I want to especially concentrate on that latter category, stuff that is easy to do for dinner when we’re all busy so that I can also ensure myself down time. I also want to encourage Fox to continue to learn how to cook and gain confidence in this area. Ral will hopefully be so busy with med school that he won’t have any time to cook (this will be a good thing, I know it sounds unbalanced but if things are going well that will be a good sign of it). My main contribution to our household is the cooking and food planning, so I’m going to view it as a joy and try and minimise my experience of it (or the kitchen) as a chore.

Last year I started regularly making my own stock, and what a huge revelation! All kinds of things suddenly became easy and accessible any day of the week because of the weekends I’ve spent letting a big pot of deliciousness simmer away. I’m going to keep that up, also get back into making our own creme fraiche. I’d love to get back into bread but it might be a bit ambitious all things considered. More veggies, and continuing to prioritise ethical meat and eggs.

Additionally, I have some wonderful cookbooks that I’d love to take advantage of, so that’s another cooking priority. Not only would I like to use them more but I’d like to blog about it – I’d like to say with pictures but I’m not always great at remembering to photograph my food. However, it would be wonderful if I did manage to blog and photograph things and come away feeling like I’d really gotten something out of these books that I so carefully chose. I almost never buy recipe books, so I make a point of using them – especially when I know they’re good even though the internet is right there and so easy. A friend once upon a time would do a month cooking from a particular cuisine and I’d like to do something similar but from a particular cookbook, and probably not so intensive as every meal for a month but aim for 5 recipes a month or something if I’m concentrating on a particular book. Not every month either, I want space for this too – joy, not a chore. Exploration and fun, not work.

Blogging

This is kind of summing up a bunch of things I’ve said – I want to do more blogging. I’ve really enjoyed in recent months being more active both here and on my Dreamwidth journal so I’d like to keep that going. I’ve been doing a daily ‘5 things’ post – just notes about the day, not necessarily good things or positive things (though they almost always are) but just things about the day so that people know what’s going on in my life. Now I have that particular habit sorted, I’d like to get more written here, books, movies, television, cooking, midwifery, feminism. The works. I’ve got some midwifery blogging goals but I don’t want to make numbered goals for cooking blog posts on top of the reading stuff because it can become too rigid too fast. I love flexibility and I find that if I provide myself the overarching aim, I’ll do better with it with space to breathe. Numbers are all well and good but I don’t want it to be an obligation, a chore that I resent, I just want there to be the intention for more writing and let myself act on it.

Self Development

Getting my license. This is imminent – it lingered through last year and I’ve come so close. I’m stomping all over the remaining Feelings I’ve been having about failing the test the first time and have some plans to do a couple of driving lessons about passing the test. I can drive and I’m reasonably confident in my overall competence, now I just need to pass the test (and probably do my first official drive by myself somewhere).  I’d still like to take a road trip by myself, explore Victoria somehow just by myself, just overnight or something.

Gently explore job options that won’t get in the way of my study. Right now I’m figuring hospital admin jobs that I can do casually – reception type stuff mostly. Maybe data work? I’m not sure. I’m just going to see what comes up and try and take advantage of it and get some money of my own coming in. Family wise we’ve restructured things to deal as best we can with the fact that both Ral and I have been declared unworthy of receiving basic support, which sucks but.. it just is what it is. We’re past the anger and resentment stage and have moved on.

Me. Letting myself be myself, and that looks a little bit like self expression – what I wear, hair and other presentation things. Maybe it also looks like dancing and pilates and massage if I can afford it – there’s some old and painful conditioning in amongst this stuff that is still hard to talk about, hard to describe but I want to create some space for it to be out in the open more. I’d like to continue to enjoy my sexuality and explore that more, revel in my wonderful partnerships and make sure my partners know how much they mean to me. Indeed, how much the people in my life overall mean to me.

Socialising

I’d like to be better at it this year, and I think it will look a lot like inviting people over for dinner so I can cook for them – it’s good practice for doing something different, and it’s usually cheap and often appreciated. I also have a few TV buddy things planned which I’m looking forward to, and I’d like to make good on the feminist hangout plans I tentatively made with friends late last year where we could enjoy that aspect of ourselves in company and explore it gently – and joyfully. Community, I’m still building it here and I want to be better at that too and ideally avoid volunteering for too much or getting stuck avoiding toxic people/practices – this is not likely to be necessary but I am aware of it as potential in general – good intentions and all that doesn’t always work out. I’d like to go to more Poly Vic events again, I’d like to get to some of the Greens events for my local group and I’m still tempted by the CWA. The latter might be on the too ambitious side given everything else, but we’ll see. I’d also still like to volunteer somehow for Continuum, but I’m not sure how to go about that yet. Again, intention and space so that something can happen without being forced.

Here’s to Becoming, the transition and transformation with all the pain and joy that comes with those things. Here’s to the in between, the ephemeral and the liminal. Here’s to just being, in the moment, being myself, being genuinely with others  with kindness and appreciation.

 

 

This will be my final post on my 2014 theme Expedition. I always do a wrap up post, although I know it wasn’t that long ago that I made an update. Still, an update is just that and this is finalising and closing off my enquiry for 2014 so that I can make room for and welcome in my theme for 2015.  If you’re interested to see how I felt about this over the course of the year, you can read about my initial post about Expedition, my middle of the year update, and the update I made just in December.

What a year 2014 has been, many new experiences mostly good and some more difficult. I do think that the idea of an expedition did help me to take on the new things for the year – going to university full time and as an internal student. Starting a science degree and confronting my lingering fears about being terrible at both of them. I completed two placements (one is finishing this week) for my midwifery training and they’ve both instilled within me the elation and joy at the job I’m training for, and if that wasn’t enough: I really think this is something I will be good at.

It’s been kind of interesting thinking of how this enquiry was going to come to an end – after all I still have two years of my degree left to study and what is that if not a continuation of my expedition. And yet, I did feel that there needed to be some fresh perspective for 2015 and that I’ve taken on as much as I possibly could have to learn from Expedition as a theme. So my journey continues, but with a new theme and it’s time to reflect more closely on what I’ve ultimately taken from Expedition as a year long enquiry.

To the dot points! What are my final conclusions? Again, I’m going to continue to speak to what is relevant and not repeat previous conclusions unless there’s something new to say about them.

  •  Successfully complete my first year in my Midwifery degree.

Wow! Now that I’m staring down the barrel of second year, it’s really hit me that I’m doing this! I’ve done really well in both science and maths, and though I expect that to get harder I also think I’m up for the challenge. And more than that, I’m starting to really enjoy that side of learning – not just dreading it. What a change! Such a welcome one though. I’m most of the way through my second placement – this is for second semester in 2014 so it’s technically last year for me. It’s going so well!

I’m loving it, I still really enjoy working on the postnatal ward and I got some of my tools signed off. More recently I’ve been working on the labour ward and that’s a first for me. What an incredible privilege to share such a special moment with people. What an incredible privilege to be able to provide support and care at such a time of intimacy and vulnerability. I’m amazed. While there’s so much more to midwifery than labour and birth, that part of it is something really special and unique – there’s nothing else like it. I’ve learned so much from the midwives I’m working with, and the obstetricians too.

This placement is in a private hospital, so in some ways midwives provide a more supporting role, but one that’s no less important. I’ve learned a lot about the differences in private to public care and there’s something to be said for it, and yet there are still concerns I have, there are still moments when I wonder. That’s good I think – things shouldn’t be any one way, people having babies should get the very best care that is optimal for them and their situation – and that’s going to be different across families. Also, while most often pregnancy is a normal process and there are often few complications or risk factors, that’s not always true and even if it starts that way it can change throughout.

So the ideals surrounding labour and birthing don’t always apply and can sometimes just be detrimental – it’s important to evaluate and support each person’s choices and make sure they’re informed about their choices and that they get the best possible care, with the best possible outcomes for both mother and  baby.  More on that in another post I think.

  • Explore employment options while studyingfull time and internally bothshort term andlong termin addition to midwifery
    • Explore options to get a counselling or psych diploma qualifying me for counselling.
    • Explore options with community organisations part time, especially on contract working away from the office.
    • Make inroads into doing casual first year tutoring online for university students.

I’m really surprised that I’ve got yet more to update about this. Centrelink rejected my Newstart claim and I’ve had no income from them since mid November, which has sucked. I appealed that initial decision and I’ve just received word this week that the original decision to reject my claim has been upheld. I’m still not entitled to basic support – largely because  I’m studying at degree level and it’s not what they call a ‘short course’ that aims to see people employed.

Honestly I can get behind that in part because I still think that I should be receiving Austudy – I may have a degree but I was able to work and support myself through that and I never claimed Austudy for it. I’m really angry that I can’t claim it now when I actually need the support. But despite having never claimed Austudy, I’ve reached the end of my ‘allowable time’ to study at a bachelor level – never mind I’ve never claimed it, or the circumstances I’m in right now, there’s no flexibility there.

Neither of those options are open to me now though, so I’m in large part dependent on my partners. They’re lovely and I’ve got no actual fears or worry around this, but I dislike being dependent. I contribute to the household in many ways of course, so money isn’t the be all and end all. However, having money coming into my bank account regularly that is mine goes a long way to keeping my stress low in this area and feeling like I am contributing equally in some way (even if the money isn’t exactly equal). The boys are going to work with me on that and will make sure money goes from their joint account into mine so I’m always covered for money and I don’t always have to ask (also awful to do). I have also applied for a job at the small hospital I’m doing placement at right now for a receptionist position – they have one for quite long hours and every day of the week so I am sure that it would work around university studies and so forth. Fingers crossed something comes of that because I could do and would even enjoy the job, and, money!

  • Pass P-plate test
    • Go on a road trip outside of Melbourne by myself

So, this I just haven’t managed – I haven’t been doing much driving at all in recent months and I’ve also had an injured shoulder which is getting aggravated enough by everyday stuff without adding in another thing. Still an excuse I know. I struggle with confidence when I’m not driving regularly so I need to just organise a plan for doing that and book the test again. And pass it. And then do my fucking road trip so that I can feel like I actually *have* that P-plate. I know it’s just a test, just an arbitrary line on the day whether my skills are adequate or not, but failing the first time still really threw me – especially as I know I didn’t do the wrong thing and should have passed. This goal is on the list ‘just need to fucking do it already’.

  • Nurture and grow my personal relationships, particularly with my partners
    • Facilitate getting K and Adam over to visit me here in Melbourne
    • Make time and keep making time, and remember to message and call in between
    • Revel in time spent and enjoy each moment with loved ones as much as possible
    • Take care of loved ones and let them take care of me without guilt

This is another set of dot points that I’m surprised to have updates for. I’m still doing this, and in particular right now I’ve needed care and I’ve had to just let that happen – and emotional care I can receive just fine, but financial care I struggle with so very much and it’s hard. Getting lots of practice lately and I hope that in future I can return the favour in such a way as to make someone else’s hard time easier.

Adam was here for Christmas and it was all kinds of lovely. I love having him around and close, it was low key and snuggly and lovely all around. I still miss Kaneda so much and wish that he could visit me here and see my life here and have some fun – I wish I had the money to bring him over and do that, but that too will have to wait. We’re both pragmatists though and that never seems to take away from the deep abiding love we have for one another. My life is always forever richer for him.

I’ve also been more social – not so much during placement, but in the lead up to it and I’ve got plans for afterwards as well. That’s been really lovely and I hope to continue and increase that in the lead up to classes starting again. That’s the one thing I didn’t predict and still underestimate about this degree is how much energy it requires from me, and it’s the kind of energy where I need much more quiet recharge time than I’m used to.

  • Participate in the Australian Women Writers Challenge for 2014
    • Read 6 books and review 4
    • Additionally, try and read at least 75 books and review some extras

I met my reading goals for 2014! I’m so pleased about this. I read exactly 75 books, and of those 10 were from Australian women writers and I reviewed about 6 of those I think. I also did do some reviews on Goodreads as I read things although I’d like to have reviewed more overall. That said, if I don’t have time to review something I can often put off marking it read on Goodreads and giving myself permission to just give a star rating for stuff was really useful for marking things off and not feeling like I should be doing more. Also, some books I really wanted to review and those are the ones I generally did review, others I was reading for fluff or escapism and I didn’t really have much more to say about them than that.

  • Discuss and review the media I’m watching including all the critical analysis in my head about it.

I did write up a post about the TV I’ve been watching, but it’s not that in depth as far as critical analysis goes. I do talk about why I watch and why I like it and so on, but it’s not like any kind of review or comparison. Still calling that a success though – I am watching an epic list of TV and it was good to get it all listed, well… most of it. I also wrote up the movies I’d watched in recent months which was enjoy able too. I still have to blog about the list of movies I still want to watch – that list is rather epic as well so I expect very little commentary otherwise it becomes unwieldy.

  • Make time for adventures, even if they’re tiny ones.

I don’t have much to add to this except to reaffirm that the zoo membership was so worthwhile and I love having it! I’ve done bits and pieces of exploring and basically I’d like to do more. I do think that given how full the year is that I’ve enjoyed the adventures I’ve managed and hopefully 2015 is a year involving yet more adventures!

  • Blog more, not only in my personal journal as a chronicle and for remembrance, but also here on things and issues that are important to  me
    • Post more links and link salads with commentary
    • Participate in the Down Under Feminists Carnival
    • Blog about exploring Melbourne, with pictures

Well I think I’ve certainly gotten on top of this in the end months of the year. My daily journal posts over on Dreamwidth are going strong – today when I post it will be #117 in a row! I’ve also done a bunch of book reviews here and also some movie stuff. Plus, I have some posts in the wings about midwifery and also feminism – that same post is still in draft but I will hopefully post it soon. I haven’t done any more for the Down Under Feminist Carnival, but hopefully I’ll be more on top of that in 2015. I’d also like to do more about how much I love Melbourne and taking pictures – I really didn’t manage that well this year. Although honestly I spent so much of it with my head in a textbook it’s any wonder.

  • Volunteering, community and socialising.

Nothing more on this – I really did let go of this because there were other priorities for 2014 and these were probably a bit ambitious anyway. I still have interest in getting involved with the Inner North CWA, and I still really want to volunteer for Continuum. I also want to attend more Poly Vic events and do more board gaming things too. But this really didn’t come together for 2014 and that was actually a good thing because other stuff had the priority and I’m glad I focused on that.

  • Cook for people to spend time and show care
  • Try new recipes and new cooking techniques
  • Explore cooking in new cuisines
  • Blog about cooking, with pictures

I had really hoped to have had a chance to cook for a particular couple of friends by this point in time, but it hasn’t come together yet. I still want to do it though so I will follow that up in the coming months. I did have people over for dinner and Ral and I have definitely cooked up a storm. We did amazing things for Christmas feasting and I’m delighted to have hosted my very first Christmas feast with loved ones. We finished the day by watching Die Hard which was actually perfect viewing.  I tried a whole lot of new recipes and some new techniques – onward and upward there for 2015.

There were two other dot points to do with growing things and the zoo. Growing things still remains a puzzle I’ve yet to solve but would like to – if only to save money on buying kitchen herbs – which we use a LOT of. I’ve already commented on how much I’ve enjoyed the zoo and it was one of the best things I bought this year. Of the dot points I added at the last update, here’s where I’m at:

  • Start transitioning from 2014 and Expedition into 2015 and a new theme.

Well here we are at the end of Expedition and looking forward to 2015. I do know what next year’s theme is going to be thanks to a video call with @dilletantiquity but you’ll have to wait to find out what it is.

  • Play my video games and enjoy them! Maybe blog about what I’ve played and enjoyed and why?

I’ve been playing video games and really enjoying them. I look forward to spending more time this year exploring the games I’ve bought and want to play. My favourite from this year is Cook, Serve, Delicious. It’s a keyboard coordination game where you make food for a restaurant using keystrokes and timing is a major factor too. The food you make gets more complicated as you go along. And just recently there was an update that initiated a ‘Battle Kitchen’ mode with weekly challenges, specific food style challenges and also an endurance challenge – I’m so in love with this part of the game I can’t express. I doubled my hours I’d ever spent on the game in two weeks. Placement has meant I haven’t been as involved as I usually would, but I have managed to do each of the weekly challenges at least.

  • Publish my list of movies to watch – and do a mini review or something for the ones I’ve watched to date (hint, most of them I have not watched).

I have yet to publish my list of movies to watch, that’s still on my to-do list. I did blog about the movies I’d seen so far though which I’m pretty pleased about (scroll up for the link).

  • Finalise all my paperwork to hand in for my Midwifery year 1 including my followthrough report.

That’s a thing for after this week is done. I really need to make an effort to do my followthrough report though – am a bit stumped, not sure what to write.

  • Try and beat my goal of reading 75 books!

I did read 75 books but didn’t beat this goal unfortunately! Close, but not quite.

  • Plan and execute an awesome family Christmas with the boys, Adam, Prky and Tori. The feast will be spectacular! Also, blog about the feast and the planning and feelings about this particular Christmas.

I did this – it was wonderful, we had a great day with awesome food and I’m so pleased with how it all turned out! I did also blog quite a lot about the feast in the lead up to it, and after – not here though, on my Dreamwidth journal (poke me if you really want the link).

So there we are, Expedition is done. I had a lot of specific goals for this – more specific than ever before actually and I enjoyed that for a change. It was nice to be acting outside of myself and doing rather than delving inwards and feeling/exploring. I think that I learned a lot about myself this year but I’m still figuring out what that is – maybe that will surface in the months to come. Maybe it’s something that will only really come together once I complete my training as a midwife – who knows? I’m open to anything really. I think that’s one of the nicest parts of this theme is that I think I finally made friends with uncertainty and being able to trust in my bigger vision to get me through.

Here’s to the culmination of a year that saw so much change, many achievements and a lot to be proud of. Here’s also to the new year and a new enquiry for 2015!